The Composers’ Halloween Ball
by Alan Chapman
‘Twas All Hallow’s Eve
And all through the hall
Composers were throwing
A Halloween ball.
In the corner, an orchestra
Doing its job
With Mussorgsky’s Bald Mountain
And Saint-Saëns’ Danse macabre.
Along the far wall
Was a monstrous buffet.
Rossini, it seems,
Had been cooking all day.
Granados brought specialties
Of his own casa
And Chopin showed up
With a load of kielbasa.
Tartini was serving
His tuna tartare
And Padre Martini
Was tending the bar.
And there in the light
Of a flickering candle
Was Johannes Brahms
All dressed up as Handel.
Hummel did Mozart
Exceedingly well
And Debussy passed himself
Off as Ravel.
Sibelius, not known
As a jovial fella,
Was decked out in feathers
As the swan of Tuonela.
And Wagner, that joker,
Was not to be missed.
With his stringy white wig
He declared, “Look! I’m Liszt!”
Verdi as Violetta
Was having a blast,
While Puccini as Musetta
Came fluttering past.
At midnight ‘twas Schoenberg
Who struck the twelve tones
Upon a marimba
Of skeleton bones.
And what happened next
Could not have been finer.
Bach played his Toccata,
The one in D minor.
And though the Toccata’s
Not really a song,
Schubert decided
That he’d sing along.
Which wasn’t so scary,
The crowd would agree.
Until Ives chimed in –
In a different key.
Along about one
The police got a call
And came to break up
This riotous brawl.
And despite the prodigious
Amounts they all drank,
Mussorgsky alone
Spent the night in the tank.
©2009 by Alan Chapman
All Rights Reserved
October 30th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Dear Alan,
This poem and accompanying music gave me the giggles! Thanks so much for the fun. You are one of my favorite announcers and I enjoy your show every day.
October 30th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
Alan,
What a delight to have one of your poetry confections again. I was thinking the other day while volunteering about how in the “old” days, you used to spout your poetry frequently and how I’ve missed it since to moved from the morning to another time slot.
October 30th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
I promised myself to spend the time required to reply as wittily and wonderfully as your “poem” is witty and wonderful: until that time, may the ghosts of all those greats grate upon you. R.I.P. Gary
October 30th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
Alan
this could be no more perfect
October 30th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
Writing is hard and poetry is impossible. It’s a shame to have only one comment, one item of praise.
Take heart, for every one who braves the keyboard there are dozens who would, if they could, but can’t so they don’t.
So for all the hundreds that will read/hear/enjoy your work, I say
Hooray!
October 30th, 2009 at 9:27 pm
Dear Alan! I greatly enjoyed your poem, and always your witty programmatic remarks!! Below some omissions for inclusion next year: SO MANY COMPOSERS OF WHOM TO TAKE STOCK,
BUT BLUEBEARD’S A MUST BY HIS CREATOR, BARTOK!!
It may be you forgot composer Robert Schuman
You deemed not a specter because too human?
And why was Tchaikovsky spared your pen
And Stravinsky, Scriabin and Benjie Britten.
Beethoven, too, seems to be a taboo
As was he who penned Rhapsody in Blue!
And certainly why not also poke fun
at mid-summer’s night de Mendelssohn
But the worst omission I must now holler
Is that symphonic genius, Gustav Mahler!
And I guess we’ll wait for next year’s show
to hear of Prokoviev and Darius Milhaud!
Fondly, Barbara
October 30th, 2009 at 11:25 pm
Bravo
There a first for everything and this one is for me.
Thank You Sir. Chapman, a poet more witty than Poe
May fair winds fine you dear KUSC, Godspeed till morrow.
The rest will follow thee, sweet dreams.
October 31st, 2009 at 12:47 pm
The poem was most delightful. Would it be possible to also have a copy of the Beethoven’s Van ‘reparte’ on this morning’s Arts Alive with Brian Lauritzen and Gail Eichenthal??? It, too, was most clever!!!
Thanks in advance for your attention to this request.
Happy Halloweenl!!!!!
October 31st, 2009 at 4:06 pm
Great but I really get Orrf on Carmena Burina.
October 31st, 2009 at 8:16 pm
I e-mailed this website to friends and family so they can enjoy it, too. Thank you!!!!!
November 1st, 2009 at 10:48 pm
Alan dear Alan your poem is heaven
But why the cold shoulder to Sir Andre Previn?
You’d win if we two fought a poetry battle
but why diss the curly-haired Sir Simon Rattle?
So I think I have next year’s idea well in hand
A Halloween ode to those who lead the band
By 2010 I’m sure something will jell
In your quest to find words that rhyme with Dudamel.
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Hey Alan, you were particularly fetching in green-face for Upbeat Live at the LA Phil for the Halloween screening of Nosferatu and you gained a whole new audience for your poetry as you recited this delicious piece. Always looking forward to more of your commentary on classical and film music.
November 8th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
I loved hearing you recite this at Opera for Educators. I missed the actual broadcast, so thanks for the blog, too.
November 8th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Love your shows, too